The Monkey Employment Classification System

October 31, 2006 at 4:07 pm (work)

Charlton Heston and “Friend”

The MECS is not a system for classifying simian acitivities, but my very own ranking system for jobs, based on our friends, the monkeys. As famously not pointed out by Charlton Heston, monkeys are dangerous if armed, but they also offer important services for today’s busy executive. The MCES system is as follows:

1. Retarded Monkey As in “Your job could be done by a”. You are directly told what to do and how. Will turn brain to mush and/or cause hallucinations if continued too long.

2. (Plain) Monkey Use tools, independently forage foor food, coffee. You are told what to do, but get to decide how to do it. Perks: degree of sanity, solidarity with tribe.

3. Flying Monkey Use simple technology, forage foor food, coffee IN SPACE. Basic to intermediate henchman skills. You are given goals and then get to decide what to do to get there. Your subordinates are Retarded Monkeys (see above).

4. Super Flying Monkey Use alien technology, dibs on mate selection, shoot killer rays out of eyes to vanquish Japanese super mutant monster robots. You set goals and send Flying Monkeys out to do your bidding. Key to executive mud pit. No need to forage, as coffee is brought to you. You have no contact with sub-Flying Monkeys.


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