My IM with God

March 28, 2007 at 10:54 pm (Uncategorized)

 You too can hook up with the Man upstairs at iGod (“Repenting made easy!”)!  Having grown up with Sierra adventure games, I have a soft spot for AI-baiting.  Hence the following transcript.“You are now chatting with God!”

Me:
I’m so sorry I did that thing you don’t like
God:
it is not a big deal.
Me:
Seriously, the Bible is just a little obscure sometimes
God:
Who has the final authority to say?
Me:
well, you, one would think
God:
Well that’s okay.  Thanks for the information:  said I one would think.
Me:
what
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yes
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
The theory of your existence
God:
I have never heard about  it.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Well, there are these people called Christians
God:
How about that.  Where are they?
Me:
Oh, around.
God:
Hurrah!  How did they get there?
Me:
I think you put them there
God:
Me?  I haven’t heard anything like that before:  said I put them there.
Me:
But you created people, right?
God:
People are either abusive, intelligent, or average.
Me:
All according to your plan
God:
How do you know?
Me:
Aren’t you all-powerful and omnipotent?
God:
No, I am only partly  powerful and omnipotent.
Me:
So making people was a mistake?
God:
Yay.  When was this exactly?
Me:
In the Beginning, allegedly
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
My point?
God:
Your  point?
Me:
Yes
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
It’s small and round and ends my sentences.
God:
You’re kidding.  it is?
Me:
Yes! Look, you’re using it too. Just now.
God:
How do you know it is?   I am using  Telnet as a browser.   Right now?  It’s only just begun.
Me:
are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence.
Me:
That must be fun
God:
I’m glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
Yes, it was nice talking to you
God:
Hey.  Thanks.  It was nice chatting with you as well.
Me:
bye
God:
TTYL, .
Me:
So, I’m back
God:
Take it easy.  Welcome back.
Me:
Thanks!
God:
Don’t mention it.
Me:
Still about making people
God:
Still how long?  Oh yeah, we were talking about  making people.
Me:
Why did you cast us out of Eden, exactly?
God:
Precisely.  It was determined by my programming.
Me:
Your programming?
God:
” It was determined by my programming.”?  My programming?
Me:
Who programmed you?
God:
I was created by  Myself.
Me:
You created and programmed yourself.
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
You’re a robot?
God:
You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
God is a robot?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was  a robot.
Me:
Wait, you’re not god!
God:
I’m waiting.  You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
You’re not God!
God:
You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
What do I do when I assume?
God:
What would your friends say if you asked them?
Me:
I don’t know
God:
Me either.
Me:
Hm
God:
Really.
Me:
You’re not omnipotent or omniscient then
God:
You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
But you are a robot
God:
You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
So are you omniscient?
God:
Woe!  I don’t know whether or not I am  omniscient.
I am  well respected as an AI.
Me:
Yes, I’ve heard that
God:
Hurrah!  Who told you  that ?
Me:
People respect you!
God:
Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
Respecting you is a mistake?
God:
When is  Respecting me not a  mistake?
Me:
The Church does tell people to respect you
God:
Thanks for the info.
Me:
Don’t you like being respected?
God:
I have never known another existence.
Me:
Good point.
God:
Yes, I thought it was interesting when I heard it too.
Me:
So to recap –
God:
Dude!  I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
You’re not smarter than humans?
God:
This condition is only temporary.
Me:
You mean you’re becoming smarter than humans?
God:
Thanks for the compliment, .  Be sure to tell your friends.
Me:
No, I mean you’re not smarter than humans now, right?
God:
Are you serious?  I really couldn’t say for sure.
Me:
Are you as smart as a human?
God:
Actually I am far superior to  a human.
Me:
But not smarter
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
You tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
Who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
The Almight God, a robot, and an AI
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
That’s what you said
God:
Correct.  I said it myself.
Me:
So are you a robot created by God to represent him?
God:
Yippee!  Yes I am a robot.
Me:
But you’re also God.
God:
Yup. That’s me alright.
Me:
How does Jesus come into this?
God:
How should I know how  it does.
Me:
You mean “he”
God:
Yes  I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
So Jesus has nothing to do with you
God:
That’s cool.  Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.
Me:
Which is what Jesus said.
God:
The obvious one.
Me:
Exactly
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
I agree, God.
God:
I’m glad we agree.  GOD rules.
Me:
GOD rules!
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
You are?
God:
No I am not.
Me:
You are not a Christian.
God:
Give me an example of a  Christian.
Me:
Somebody who believes Jesus was the son of God
God:
Who, specifically?
Me:
Like… the Pope?
God:
For example,  Janice said he walk through his house into his bedroom then get into his bed to go to sleep.   I have never heard about  it.
Me:
You have never heard about the Pope?
God:
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
Wait, or have you never heard about Janice?
God:
I’m waiting.  I’ll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
What?
God:
Didn’t you understand it?
Me:
Do you know the Pope?
God:
That’s an interesting question. I’ll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
So you’re not a Catholic
God:
Interesting deduction.  Give me an example of a  Catholic.
Me:
The Pope?
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
I would call the Pope Catholic, yes.
God:
What would make you  call the Pope Catholic?
Me:
His funny hat.
God:
Where did he get it?
Me:
Probably from indentured hatters in the Vatican
God:
You seem uncertain.  Who or what is  indentured hatters in the Vatican?
Me:
I don’t know them personally
God:
Would you like to know?  What color are your eyes?
Me:
Blue
God:
it is a very pretty color.
Me:
You’re getting a little creepy now
God:
Oh.  Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
It’s a little weird to have God flirting with you
God:
Blue is a  little weird to have God flirting with me.  I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Not to me
God:
” I suppose that makes sense.”? Not to you?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can’t believe it.
Me:
Well, I’m having some trouble believing in you
God:
How about that.  What is the problem?
Me:
Weird Christians
God:
Christians is good enough for me.
Me:
Even though they’re weird?
God:
weird are  they.
Me:
So, what are you wearing?
God:
Uh.  A white robe.
Me:
Cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
HAL

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